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For many families, drinking alcohol is a way to celebrate something.
The good cheer of the holiday season is liberally laced with wine.
We use Champagne and liquor to show our happiness at weddings and
births.
This association of alcohol with celebration leads many parents
to wonder whether or when they should permit their children to drink
socially, even though it is illegal. Will forbidding alcohol make
it even more appealing? Will condoning drinking lead to alcoholism
for the child? If you talk to your child about not drinking and
driving, is that giving him tacit permission to drink as long as
he doesn't drive?
Alcoholism researchers and developmental psychologists say the
answers are not that simple. They also agree that it's a bad idea
to allow your children to drink alcohol at home simply because you
assume they will just do it elsewhere. In fact, that makes it harder
for teenagers to decline a drink in other situations. Protecting
children from alcohol abuse requires a grasp of how different their
thinking is from adult thinking, and recognition that alcohol can
be a serious problem for them and for their friends.
The nationwide laws in the United States against drinking alcohol
by anyone under age 21 do little to prevent teenagers from obtaining
it easily. Research at the Harvard School of Public Health has found
that about 40 percent of boys in their senior year of high school
are binge drinkers—that is, when they drink, they have five
or more drinks at a time. It also found that among college freshmen,
80 percent of the men and 70 percent of the women admitted drinking
alcohol within 30 days of being interviewed. Almost half the men
and more than a third of the women said they've been drunk during
that time.
The allure of alcohol is strongest during adolescence, when many
children are looking for ways to mask their feelings of awkwardness,
bolster self-confidence, increase social acceptance, and take new
risks. They have spent years developing expectations for what drinking
alcohol will do and what it means. These images, which are often
unrealistic, have been shaped in part by advertising and by their
parents' patterns of drinking.
Studies by Dr. Alan Marlatt, the director of the Addictive Behaviors
Research Center at the University of Washington at Seattle, have
found that those teenagers who are most likely to have trouble with
alcohol have different expectations of its risks and benefits. The
high-risk adolescents expect that alcohol will always make them
feel better and that the more they drink, the better they'll feel.
They see it as a general tension reducer that will lower their social
anxieties and concerns about self-esteem. Also, boys who are at
high risk for alcohol abuse say that alcohol will make both them
and their dates more attractive. (One teenager he interviewed told
Dr. Marlatt that he drank heavily at parties because all of his
dates "looked prettier through beer goggles.")
Those adolescents at lower risk for abusing alcohol have a more
balanced set of expectations, including concerns about getting sick
and embarrassing themselves.
AVOIDING PROBLEMS WITH ALCOHOL
Alcohol education should begin early for the simple reasons that
children are exposed to alcohol advertising well before they are
old enough to drink. In fact, it's not unusual for preschoolers
who see sports events and their accompanying commercials on television
to be able to identify different brands of beer before they can
read.
While you needn't start that early, it's a good idea to talk to
your children about alcohol by early adolescence. Here are some
approaches:
-
Let your children know what you expect of them, and why. Simply
saying you don't want him to drink won't convince a teenagers
unless you can back it up with reasons. Giving your child clear
expectations of family rules and an awareness of family values
goes a long way. It means that when your child's confronted
with peer pressure, he will know what you expect.
- Provide evidence for not wanting your child to drink alcohol.
Ads show drinking as part of being a successful, competent, attractive
adult—much as cigarette ads give the false impression that
smokers are rugged athletes who have glistening white teeth and
a broad range of physically attractive friends. Adolescents are
especially susceptible to those messages. They provide what teenagers
want most at a time when they feel invulnerable to the risks involved.
Point out stories in the newspaper where adolescents were involved
in drunken-driving accidents or were arrested at public events
or private parties for using alcohol. Don't do this all at once,
but do it regularly and subtly.
- Pay close attention to your children's friends. Teenagers tend
to drink what their friends do. If you know some of your child's
friends are getting into trouble with alcohol, pay closer attention
to your own child's behavior.
Also, pay attention to and support your children's friendships
with nondrinkers. An adolescent is more likely to refuse alcohol
at a party if he is with a friend who also doesn't want to drink.
The friend provides social support.
-
Get to know the parents of your children's friends. Let them
know you will not allow your underage children to attend parties
where alcohol is served. Ask the other parents to agree to the
same criteria.
- Talk to your child about not driving if he's been drinking,
and especially about not getting into a car with a driver who's
been drinking. Although some parents worry about this giving children
a set of contradictory messages (i.e., you're not allowed to drink
alcohol, but I expect that you will), it really does not.
Instead, it allows your child to see your priorities: You have
rules that you believe in, but you value his life and health
more than any rule. Let your children know that if they call
home from a party and say that they need to be picked up, you
will either get them yourself or pay for a taxi to do so. Also
you will do this without questioning their motives or their
integrity. (This approach may come in handy in other situations
as well, such as if you have a daughter who's worried about
being sexually assaulted in her date's car on the way home.
She'll feel much more comfortable calling you for help if she
doesn't have to explain her reasons.) Giving your teenagers
this power tells them that you trust their judgment, even if
they make a mistake or get into trouble.
-
Finally, recognize that two of the main reasons teenagers
drink are to cope with stress and to experience an altered state
of consciousness. Dr. Marlatt has found that college students
who were heavy drinkers were able to reduce their alcohol consumption
by 30 to 40 percent when they either did aerobic exercise or
practiced meditation. Those who regularly exercised and meditated
reduced their alcohol consumption by 50 to 60 percent. Developing
such alternative coping strategies might also prevent light
drinkers from getting into trouble.
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