Nearly every child gets an allowance starting around kindergarten
or first grade. For many families it is little more than a ritual
passed on from generation to generation. Yet receiving an allowance
is a significant and symbolic step for children. It allows them
to enter a world that is distinctly adult. It gives them a feeling
of power and equality they may never have known before. Store clerks
will sell them packs of gum without asking if their older brothers
would also like one. Buying a comic book becomes a much simpler
process when children don't have to ask an adult for permission.
Although most parents who give their children allowances also require
that the children do some work around the home, such as taking out
the garbage or clearing the dinner table, most child psychologist
agree that it's a bad idea to link these two. As they grow older,
children should be doing increasingly complex chores at home simply
because they are members of the family.
Tying an allowance to specific tasks can backfire. It allows children
to buy their way out of their basic responsibilities. If a child
is supposed to clean his room or vacuum the house each week as part
of his regular chores, and he decides he has enough money saved
up, he may abdicate his responsibilities as a family member. The
lesson he has learned is that all work is done for money.
On the other hand, it's sometimes appropriate for children to be
allowed to earn extra money by taking on extra chores if they've
done their basic work around the house. This helps young children
see the relationship between work and money without thinking that
they should be paid for everything they do at home.
Although parents should not control how children spend their allowances,
you should be very clear about what you expect them to pay for and
what other financial responsibilities they are assuming. These expectations
will obviously change as they grow older and become more experienced
at handling money. It's a good idea with older children to outline
these responsibilities in a simple written contract (ideally written
by the children and signed by both children and parents). The contract
should include the parents' obligations as well as the children's.
That way all know what's expected of them.
Do the children's allowances include lunch money? If so, what happens
during school vacations? What will you do if they lose the money?
May it be spent on candy and comic books? If they are teenagers,
do they have to buy their own clothes with it? Can they borrow from
you against future allowances? If so, how much and at what rate
of interest or other penalty? How can they earn extra money? Will
you ever hold back an allowance as a punishment? If so, under what
conditions? When will the contract be revised? May it be changed
before then?
Don't worry about using legal language in the document—although
some adolescents may like doing it that way. Just be sure that all
the children are clear about what's expected of them and what happens
if they don't meet those expectations.
Talk to your children about the purchases they want to make. Help
them think through the consequences of their purchases, but unless
what they want is unsafe, allow them to make mistakes. If you insist
that they make the "right" decision all the time, they
won't get the most powerful benefit of allowances: the chance to
learn more about themselves.
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