For many high school seniors, the fall semester is a time to fill
out college applications, peruse course catalogs and glossy brochures,
and watch promotional videotapes. It is a daunting and emotionally
charged task for both the students and their parents, and is best
begun with some introspection.
The first step in evaluating a college should be for the student
to evaluate himself or herself:
- What are my strengths and weaknesses, both in academics and
elsewhere? Am I more interested in science than in liberal arts?
Am I easily distracted by extracurricular activities.
- What kinds of learning environments allow me to do my best work?
Am I more comfortable in a small school, or would that be too
confining? Would a large school feel overwhelming? Do I like to
control my own schedule, or do I do better if my day-to-day activities
are highly structured?
- With what types of people do I like to associate? Am I more
likely to feel a part of a school in which intercollegiate athletics
are emphasized or minimized? Do I find fraternities and the like
attractive or aversive? Do I like being with people who are mostly
like me, or would I like to meet and live with people who are
different?
College advisors and admissions officers warn that many students
apply to schools for the wrong reasons, ranging from the number
stars they received in guidebooks to the presence of world-renowned
faculty members. Students may avoid schools that are not household
names or whose tuition seems out of reach.
It can be dangerous to put too much faith in books and articles
that purport to tell you the "100 Best Colleges and Universities"
or that provide some similar rank-ordering of schools. The reviewers'
criteria and your own may be substantially different. The number-one
school on that list may be a much poorer choice for your child than
number 85 or even many of the thousands of other schools that didn't
make that particular cut.
While it may sound prestigious to have a Nobel laureate or two
on the faculty, in many schools these faculty members have little
if any interaction with undergraduates—and occasionally don't
have much to do with graduate students, either.
Also, the "sticker price" of tuition, like that of most
new cars, often has very little to do with what the student eventually
pays. The most expensive private colleges and universities usually
have the highest discount rates. That's because it's these schools
that tend to have the largest endowments and, hence, the most money
for financial aid. Four years at an "expensive" Ivy League
university may actually cost less than four years at an "inexpensive"
small private college, because the financial aid package the university
offers may be substantially greater.
That's why you shouldn't rule out any college or university because
of its stated tuition. Instead, ask to speak to a financial aid
officer, or the financial aid counseling service at each school,
in order to get an estimate of the amount and types of aid (loans,
on-campus jobs, and grants, for example) that they're likely to
offer.
Although many admissions officers are reluctant to admit it, financial
aid offerings are often open to negotiation—especially if
your child's an exceptionally good student or meets other important
criteria for that school. If you child is offered a better financial
aid package from school A, but would really like to attend school
B, there's nothing wrong with going back to the admissions office
and asking them (politely and respectfully, of course) whether they'll
match the other offer. After all, you have nothing to lose.
Many parents enjoy the process of choosing a college with their
children. It gives us a chance to relive our own experiences, or
to do something we never did when we were younger. However, counselors
at high schools emphasize that while parents should be actively
involved in the college selection and application process, the fundamental
decisions and responsibilities should be left to the students. (One
high school counselor I interviewed described how parents would
routinely come to his office and talk about how "we" were
going to college.)
This can lead to some conflicts at home, since many adolescents
feel ambivalent about the upcoming important changes in their lives.
Applying to college can become a symbol for many of those changes.
If parents push too hard or try to control that important series
of decisions, teenagers will focus their emotions and energies on
struggling against their parents' wishes instead of examining themselves,
the schools and their future.
One rule of thumb is that parents should back off but not bow out.
Let your child know that you're available as a willing and enthusiastic
resource, but her let control and be responsible for the mechanics
of applying to college. Your child should be the one to make the
telephone call to the admissions officer to set up the interview
and the tour, and should be the first one to reach the desk and
extend her hand to the admission officer.
It's also a good idea for prospective applicants to write to the
admissions office of any school they're seriously considering and
to ask for specific information about a department or area they
are interested in. How the school responds—with a personal
letter or telephone call from a faculty member, a specialized and
relevant brochure, a general and largely irrelevant brochure, or
by ignoring the request entirely—will say a lot about the
school's responsiveness to the students it enrolls.
Finally, trust your instincts. If your child visits a campus and
feels uncomfortable, it's probably not a good match, no matter how
prestigious or popular the school is. Her gut reaction is important.
Many of life's important decisions are choices of the heart, not
just choices of the mind.
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